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McKeefry Banner – January 2017

99 things we want from 2017

Our 99 wishes for 2017 [Picture: iStock]
Our 99 wishes for 2017 [Picture: iStock]
FEW people were sorry to see the back of 2016, and are hoping that 2017 will bring a little more cheer. In our light-hearted wish-list for the year ahead we outline 99 things we’d like to see in 2017.

We’d like you, our readers, to supply number 100.

So here are our 99…

We want more good buskers [Picture: iStock]
We want more good buskers [Picture: iStock]
More buskers, fewer chuggers

Snow next Christmas

Celtic to win the Scottish League. They are, after all, just a GAA club pretending to be a soccer team

More Ian McEwan books

An end to people saying ‘feck’. If you can’t say the real word, then leave it out. Or else you might very well  find yourself in heck, or at the very least, in deep sugar

Alarm clocks that make no sound, just wave a flag. Come on science, what about it?

More Nordic Noir box sets

A totally over the top amount of Aidan Turner

Definitely more of Ruth Negga

Poetry — the best words in the best order [Picture: iStock]
Poetry — the best words in the best order [Picture: iStock]
An excessive degree of  poetry

Another Mrs Brown’s Boys movie. And although fans may be aghast at the thought, what about going global? Dustin Hoffman in the title role could do it: Mrs Brown’s Boys: D’Hollywood Movie

Irish politicians to stay at home on St Patrick’s Day. Give us the money and we’ll go to New York, Boston, Sydney instead

A bit of hush. As we fast approach a world where silence will have passed into legend, let us hope for a few more quiet carriages which really are quiet

Bigger demonstration placards. When do we want them? Now…

More walking — you’ll rarely regret going for a walk. There’s a hill for every ill

Champagne flutes — the best flute music there is [Picture: iStock]
Champagne flutes — the best flute music there is [Picture: iStock]
Oodles of champagne — always keep a bottle in the fridge. If someone says they’re not sure what they want to drink, they want champagne. And you probably do too.

Tons of  photograph and selfies. Pix are a great memory-jogger, and because we tend to take photos of happy occasions, they weight our memories to the better.

…on the other hand: try this — draw a sketch instead. You’ll remember it better

Ireland to win the Eurovision Song Contest

Ireland to utterly own the Six Nations

Shane MacGowan on Desert Island Discs

An end to “Don’t go there.” Where is ‘there’? And are all the people there wondering why nobody is coming, the poor divils?

More limoncello

A workers’ revolution in the morning, and a nice Italian meal in the evening

Greater attention. “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” (Simone Weil, in case you’re wondering)

A sequel to Lord of the FliesLady of the Flies. What would have happened on that island if it had been girls and not boys marooned? Over to you Edna O’Brien.

All celebrities to be reminded of the Emily Dickinson lines: “Fame is a bee / It has a song / It has a sting / Ah, too, it has a wing.”

Almost everything goes better with an avocado [Picture: iStock]
Almost everything goes better with an avocado [Picture: iStock]
More avocados. Good for your health, delicious too

A summer that doesn’t set in with its usual severity

Fewer restaurants that look like an unfinished Hoxton loft. We’ve had enough of shabby chic interiors.

A definitive answer to the Brexit/Irish border question

A stop on the word ‘iconic’. Unless you’re talking about Greek or Russian religious paintings, give it a rest.

Fewer motivational quotes on social media. Don’t know about you, but nothing gets us motivated for more than 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote

Less social media, more social intercourse

No more ‘Brexit means Brexit’. “Heard it till we’re sick of it” means “Heard it till we’re sick of it”

Cheaper train fares

Wider seats on the 737s, Michael. We passengers might be ‘self-loading cargo’ as per current airline-speak, but we deserve a decent place to plank our bums

An end to restaurants serving meals on slates or bringing you the bill on an iPad in a bucket (seriously, an iPad in a bucket)

A view over the Atlantic. Picture: Tourism Ireland
A view over the Atlantic [Picture: Tourism Ireland]
Drive (and walk) the Wild Atlantic Way. It really is as good as the hype

Smiling faces. Beautiful places

More flowers. In vases, in valleys, in lapels — anywhere

Planned days, nights left to chance

Leicester FC to win the Champions’ League

More Starlight Royale cocktails — drink at least one a week. Lime juice, gin, and grenadine, topped off by club soda. Sheer sorcery

Festivals in Ireland. Get yourself to one this year — whether it’s an oyster festival or a ploughing extravaganza, you’ll have a ball

An end to deskfast, or eating your brekkie at work. Breakfast means breakfast

San Francisco. Go there. You might lose your heart to somebody. If not, you’ll still have a rollicking time

Even more poetry. In fact, go and learn some. “I will arise and go now and go and thingy whatsit. . . .” really doesn’t cut it.

Stay at Ghan House in Carlingford. Huge views, luxury digs, stiff drinks

"Is there anybody out there?" [Picture: iStock]
“Is there anybody out there?” [Picture: iStock]
Star-gazing. For those of you haven’t seen, on a clear frosty night, Orion as he strides silently across the winter sky, or a meteor from some distant galaxy rip the heavens apart, we recommend an evening walk

More clandestine trysts, maybe even a few dangerous liaisons

A chilly hallelujah from skylarks singing in the clear air somewhere

Poached eggs Grand Duc for breakfast

Gardening. Stick you dibber into some mulch. It’s hugely rewarding

 Camille O'Sullivan, a voice, and a performer, in a million [Picture: Mark Stedman/RollingNews.ie]
Camille O’Sullivan, a performer, in a million [Picture: Mark Stedman/RollingNews.ie]
More from Camille O’Sullivan. You’d pay just to hear this woman gargle

More charity. “The only gift is giving to the poor. All else is exchange.” Thiruvalluvar, (c.30 BC)

Fewer. People. Who. Write. Like. This. Please. Stop. It. Now

More tolerance (Except. For. People. Who. . . etc)

More David Attenborough

Will this be the year David Attenborough finds the Yeti? [Picture: iStock]
Will this be the year David Attenborough finds the Yeti? [Picture: iStock]
David Attenborough to find the Yeti

…and the Loch Ness Monster

More newspaper aficionados

Another safe year in the air. 2016, despite terrorist incidents and some horrific high-profile crashes, was one of the safest years ever. And air travel is important to us island people

Toasted marshmallows

More flattery. Even though we’re not fooled by it, it shows we’re significant enough to be courted

Eamonn Holmes appears to be practising for the role o007 [Picture: Syn News/Youtube]
Is Eamonn Holmes auditioning for the role of 007? [Picture: Syn News/Youtube]
Eamon Holmes to be the new James Bond

More walks in fine, soft rain

New gods. We’ve had all sorts. The god of thunder. The god of war. We need a god-of-chilling-out

Theresa May to take Prime Minister’s Questions wearing a Groucho Marx mask, specs-and-moustache and all

More storytelling

More art gallery visiting

A spooky Halloween. Much more fun than Easter

Less complaining about a smartphone. Get a life

More Ed Sheeran

More Chilean sauvignon blanc

More urban myths. Where have they all gone? They used to arrive by the skipload in our inboxes.We particularly liked the one about the tomato tree growing in a woman’s mouth because she’d left a tomato seed lodged in a tooth filling

Tabloids telling Kate Middleton aka Duchess of Cambridge “We couldn’t care less what you do.”

Taking oysters very seriously in Galway. Picture: Photocall Ireland
Taking oysters very seriously in Galway. Picture: Photocall Ireland

More oysters. We want rampant bivalvery

Further Guinness to go with said oysters

A FANGTASTIC celebration to mark the 120th anniversary of Dracula, written by one of one of Ireland’s most extraordinary sons, Bram Stoker

Series 7 of Game of Thrones to be more gripping than ever

Aliens arriving from a distant galaxy. Not sure where we’d take them if they asked to see our leader. We’d have to stall: “Er, it’s like this you see… *[SHUFFLES FEET]…em…”

A pulsar, first discovered by Armagh woman Susan Bell Burnell [Picture: iStock]
A pulsar, first discovered by Armagh woman Susan Bell Burnell [Picture: iStock]
A Nobel Prize in Physics for Armagh woman Susan Bell Burnell who was cheated out of her rightful prize in 1974. She discovered pulsars. Maybe they should thrown in a Michelin Star and an Oscar for this outstanding woman

More cat videos on YouTube. How about a kitten playing the guitar while reading out a listicle of the greatest rock bands of all time?

Lashings of coconut cake and cream

A revival of the film series Strumpet City, based on the novel by James Plunkett. A terrific story set around the time of the Dublin lock-out in 1913

Rory McIllroy to win the Masters at Augusta and don the green jacket

No more booing England at international matches when they’re playing  someone other than Ireland. We’re mature, reconstructed Celts now, very self-confident, and no need for petty gamemanship. So it’s time to get over that. Mind you when the England rugby supporters start braying “Swing low, sweet chariot…” it will be hard. Very hard.

Less moaning about the traffic. Buy a bike

Susan Boyle to sing the Irish national anthem at Croke Park

Outlandish dressing up for Bloomsday

Time fr an Academy award for Brendan Gleeson [Picture: Photocall Ireland]
Time for an Academy Award for Brendan Gleeson [Picture: Photocall Ireland]
An Oscar for Brendan Gleeson for Alone in Berlin

More Imelda May

More Bach. He was probably better at what he did than any human being has been at anything

Better Twitter

More philosophy. Do you think, or do you only think you think? Kind of thing

A camogie match to be played at a packed Wembley stadium

More uilleann piping

Free wifi everywhere

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Kelly Bar – MPU – January

Mal Rogers
ABOUT 

Mal Rogers is a columnist and reporter with The Irish Post

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